Traveling is always an adventure. Especially air travel. Today I flew to Detroit to attend my cousin's bridal shower. My aunts are throwing it at my Grandma's house because she can no longer travel and will soon be selling the family home to move into assisted living. Since I can fly for free and Dan finally has some control over his schedule, I thought I'd take the opportunity to attend the shower and visit Grandma.
Since I fly standby it is always a gamble as to whether I'll get a seat or not. And where that seat might be located. Once when I was pregnant I got a window seat in the very last row of the plane. On the inside of two very old people who slept the whole flight. I was not able to get up to pee for 4 hours! I mostly end up in a middle seat, but I don't mind. I just tuck my arms into my lap and read my book while I think about how the person next to me shelled out $400 for his aisle seat.
I won't point that out however, because people get very worked up when they travel. Today we were in the jetway and we were the last 10 or so people boarding the plane. At this point the overhead bins are full so we need to check our bags. The man in front of me was none too happy, complaining about how everyone brings two carry ons, a purse, a coat, blah, blah, blah and he get stuck checking his bag. For free. Poor guy. Then he starts ranting about how his aisle seat got changed to a middle seat because he booked through a dot com instead of the airline and how much he hates US Airways. Well sir, I'm fairly certain that you have other choices in air travel so if you hate this airline so much, don't fly them. Meanwhile, the woman I'm next to in line is also a standby passenger and we exchange a glance that says "I'm NOT going to tell him that I didn't pay for my exit row aisle seat".
And then you have the people with their dogs. And their iPad laptop tablet phone thingys. With the headphones that look like they should be on the Tarmac directing the planes with orange sticks instead of simultaneously watching The Hobbit while working on an important excel spreadsheet.
And the children, oh the children. I've flown with my twins twice. Once to Detroit when my Grandpa died and again last summer to visit family in New York. The shenanigans to get through security and on the plane are ten times harder than the actual flight itself. I may eat my words when I take my 18 month olds to Kentucky in a couple of months but still. People look at you like you brought a bomb on a plane when you have your child with you. Yes, they can be loud and make a mess but it's only for a couple of hours max. And usually in the middle of the day. So if you were planning on getting your sleep on this noon flight to Detroit, well I'm sorry but you'll just have to stay awake like you do every other Tuesday when you're not on an airplane.
This brings me to sleeping on an airplane. I get it, it's boring and the white noise can overcome you. Maybe you woke up early to get to the airport and you're a little tired. But the amount of people who get on a plane and suddenly develop narcolepsy astounds me. Yes, I'll close my eyes here and there but to full on cuddle up with your pillow and fleece blanket that you brought from home? Really? Unless you're on a 16 hour flight, don't come near me with your bed bugs.
The things that the poor flight attendants have to endure from the general public is amazing. Some of my best friends are flight attendants and you wouldn't believe the horror stories they tell me. From passengers clipping their toenails to eating hard boiled eggs brought from home, it's bizarre! A friend even had a woman "nursing" her doll and asked the flight attendants to hold her "baby" while she went to the bathroom. She didn't acknowledge once that the baby wasn't real! More commonly though, you have the narcoleptic passenger who slept through the beverage service then becomes irate because he didn't get his four ounces of diet coke. And what do you mean you don't have peanuts???? This is America!
So next time you fly ladies and gentlemen, don't pack a carry on, drug your children, roll up your jacket to use as a pillow but stay awake to shell out $12 for a wedge of Brie cheese and mushy grapes and thank you for flying the friendly skies!
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